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Peanut [userpic]

Magfest 08

January 8th, 2010 (01:02 pm)

current mood: okay
current song: Sweeney Todd Soundtrack

Jan. 8th, 2008

There were a lot of good and bad events that happened at Magfest. But for the most part, I want to forget about the bad events that happened (mostly just annoying people trying to get in my pants) so I'll blog about the good ones that happened instead (this doesn't include the people arguing over me part).
So Sidney took me to Magfest for those of you that don't know, but we probably only hung out 30% of the time since I was all over the place. Lucas finally started talking to me agian. Thanks to Mims for patching things up for us. I played an excessive amount of Melee and I kept getting third place in almost every fight I entered. xD I played as a green Kirby and named him "PEA". Other games I played included Puzzle Fighter and I kicked everyone's ass in that game, but I kind of planed that out. I played Rock Band, that was the game up on the stage this year. I played it multiple times but most of the time when I played it, I just played the guitar. I played the drums a few times (and blowed) and I sung once (Enter Sandman) and somehow passed. I played some Taiko Drum Master. Sidney introduced me to that crazy little game. I kick a lot of ass in Double Dash! but not a crazy amount. They had a whole entire room dedicated to Halo, it was kind of sickening. They also had a Tabletop Room, an Arcade room, A PC Lan room, a console room (where I spent most of my time), and a movie room. I saw a few cosplayers. Tails, Bridget, a really awesome Pyramid Head, and two or three Links.
Umm...concerts were cool. Powerglove was amazing. Smash Brothers were there and they were making bacon while they were singing and giving it to people, and telling them if they wanted some bacon then they would have to get on their knees and beg. XD
Overall, I had a fun time playing games with everyone and meeting new people. Can't wait for next year. =P

Peanut [userpic]

It's sa me!

January 8th, 2010 (12:32 pm)

current mood: indescribable

Janurary 8th, 2008


[Changed my sn. I'm sick of having the same one I had when I was ten.] ^_^; Also, I feel like after all this mess I've been through, I feel like I've learned a lot of lessons and have become a new person. I am still a child at heart, but I somewhat feel as if I'm slowly developing into an adult now. I have to take more responsibility for my actions.

Peanut [userpic]


January 1st, 2010 (11:11 am)

current mood: awake

January 1st, 2008

Happy New Year everyone. I missed when the clock turned 12:00 last night because I was too distracted by playing Gradius 5 with Sidney on his PS2 I brought him. ^_^; Anyway, hopefully this year will bring anew and I won't have to deal with some of the stuff I have been dealing with. My New Year's Resolution is to get the hell out of Shenandoah. At least, that's what I'm hoping. Cheers.

Peanut [userpic]


December 31st, 2009 (02:43 am)

current mood: depressed

December 31st, 2007

Goodnight you guys. I love every single one of you. I just don't know how much longer I can take feeling like this. I have to dream that dream every single night I go to bed and then wake up with tears in my eyes, because I'm literally petrified that this "curse" or whatever the hell has happened to me won't disappear.
I'll be fine though. I don't want any of you worrying about me. If I decide to do something drastic or out of proportion, I'm sure I'll post some kind of suicide letter or something. I could never just fade away off the face of the Earth and not tell anyone. I mean, I care about you guys. That would be incrediably selfish of me, right? It would also be very selfish of me to kill myself, or would it? I have to start living (or dying?) for myself and not for other people. I'm sick of being lied to, backstabbed, ignored, and forgotten by everyone. I've lost so many people that use to be my friends during the last six months. It hurts. Plus, my mom just got out of the hospital not too long ago. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with her, and she says she still doesn't feel the greatest. I've never gotten along with my dad....ever. Point being, if something happens to mom I have nowhere to go.
I am literally in a pool of tears right now. I don't even know the exact reason why I'm crying. I mean, what I'm trying to say is there are SO many reasons that I can't just pinpoint one. All the things are so bundled up inside of me. I just want to scream to the top of my lungs. Everything's so blurry right now. Where the hell am I going? What the hell am I doing? I've caused a certain two people in my life so much pain. I've caused my mom a lot of pain too, by being just like this. I was probably the reason she was in the hospital to be in the first place. I pushed her off the edge of her tiny little cliff she has been standing on for awhile. Point being? I probably don't deserve to be here. I'd die for any of my friends, or my family. They're suffering because of me! I'm such a terrible person. And when I finally have something, I take it for granted.
People always say that life gets better when you've been what I've been through lately, but I feel like I'm so deep in so much shit that it can't possibly get any better or that my life is going to be like this forever. Every single day, my chest throbs. It literaly HURTS. Like my heart is being torn apart or something. Most of the time I hold back crying, but other times I can't. I usually cry while in the shower. I use to cry whenever I went to bed until Sidney started talking to me everynight. Thats helped a lot, and he's probably one of the reasons I havn't went completely insane-nutzo yet. Along with Cade (my cat) who happens to be sitting on my lap right now. He pretty much makes it so I don't feel lonely. I wish people were as loyal as animals.
During the last month, I've also figured out that I'm a masochist. I'm not a creep though, I swear. Nor to I like other people hurting me, I just like hurting myself. Slashing my thighs is something I've done to get over what I've been going through. I use to hate people that do this, and I still do. So another negative trait of mine? I'm a hypocrite. I've also abused prescription drugs and yet I call myself "straight-edge". I'm also a drug, or that's what Toby calls me. I'm pretty much here for you to feed off me, and I can treat other people the same way subconciously.
And I just feel like I could never be independant. I want to be independant so bad, but I feel like I depend on so many people. See? I've lost almost everyone and I'm literally going crazy. So therefore, I depended on them for my own happiness, but there not here so I can't be happy!
If you read this, my ramble, my bullshit, this whole entire thing...I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Knowing that you cared enough just to read this touches me in so many ways that you can't recognize. I just need a lot of support from everyone right now, because I really really don't want to do anything horrible to myself because deep down inside I know I can get through this and I'm stronger than what I'm showing you and what I'm typing out right now. I will promise you that I will try my hardest and nothing else. I've learned my lessons throughout the past few months on making promises. I usually break them. I'm not a very trustworthy person (yet another negative trait) but I try. God, I can come up with so many negative traits about myself just like that but no positive ones. I am so terrible, I really am. But really this time, goodnight you guys.

Peanut [userpic]

She likes presents. XD

December 26th, 2009 (08:21 pm)

current mood: okay
current song: What I Want // She Wants Revenge

December 26th, 2007

~Christmas Presents~ (woo)
A lot of clothes from grandparents/parents/aunts/uncles. o.O
Trauma Center: New Blood
Beautiful Katamari
She Wants Revenge CD
Gift card to Pacsun


Peanut [userpic]

(no subject)

December 24th, 2009 (02:45 am)

Should you be MALE or FEMALE?*
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as Male

Being mostly male / masculine, within your structures of thinking simply means that your reasoning powers are (the way they are perceived in Western Culture`) higher than the one of the opposite sex. Psychoanalsis claims this to come at the price of creative expression - a rational thinker can not think out of the box, it is claimed.









Peanut [userpic]

(no subject)

December 21st, 2009 (10:33 pm)

December 21st, 2007

$5780.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth.

Looking for payday loan?

Peanut [userpic]

(no subject)

December 21st, 2009 (12:12 am)

December 21st, 2007


I don't believe it for a second.

Peanut [userpic]

She thinks everything is pretty agonizing.

December 19th, 2009 (02:18 pm)

current mood: relieved

December 19th, 2007

You guys know what I hate? Seriously? I hate it when people hack into my livejournal and aim accounts and change all my passwords around and try to fuck with me just because they want me to talk to them. Actually, I've been ignoring them for a reason and that reason is harrassing. I thought I would give this certain person another chance to talk to me in my lifetime, but that just ruined it. People are pathetic, they make me angry, and some of them just need to leave me the hell alone.
Good news. Mom is coming back home. I just called her at the hospital about fifteen minutes ago and she says she's coming home. She says her hands are still a little sensetive but other than that, she feels fine. Damn hospitals, they NEVER figured out what the hell was wrong with her. The same thing would have happened here, except she wouldn't have been poked with needles every hour. Hospitals are so useless. Most of the time, I think they just make you stay there because they need money.

Peanut [userpic]

They don't quite know what they're talking about in medical terms but she wishes for the best.

December 18th, 2009 (07:33 pm)

current mood: worried

Well, mom is in the hospital. It's really bad because they don't know what's wrong with her. It's definally a circulation issue. Her hands and feet are a bright red and when you touch them, she complains about it hurting. Circulation...what makes circulation? The heart. They know something is wrong with her heart but they can't figure out what. I'm really hoping that she will be back to her normal self agian and be back home. All I can do is wish at this point. ._.